It was five minutes that felt like five years

by Ziii

2007-09-25

When I met him in 2004 he was 31yrs and I was 22yrs. He had a son from a previous relationship whom I adored and treated as my very own. He was charming, caring and everything someone would want in a man. Or at least that is what I thought.

Everything was perfect until June 2005 when I discovered I was about 3 weeks pregnant and I told him. He convinced me that I was not ready and he didn't want a child right now. He told me to deal with it (get rid of). He stopped answering my calls and became very absent in my life. I was hurt and I didn't know what to do.

I went to work the following day and confided in a friend. She told me about a doctor that she heard about. The following week I ask a guy friend to go with me. (I was afraid to ask my boyfriend to go since he acted like he hated me at that point.)

At last I arrived at the doctor's office, afraid. But I had no other choice. My family life was also unstable, I had no one to talk to. It was my turn to see the doctor. He (doctor) told me that he was going to use the vacuum procedure and it would only take five minutes because it was an early termination. The cost was $500.00.

I cried and cried. It was like my whole world was ending. His female assistant was there with him and I kept begging her to help me, and don't go. It really hurt a lot. It was five minutes that felt like five years.

Well I survived through the ordeal and the doctor gave me antibiotics and also pain killers in case I had any pain. My guy friend who carried me started smiling cause he said I was in such a daze. Actually I couldn't see properly for a while.

On our way home I asked him to stop to get me something to eat. I then told him I rather not go home. I needed to be by myself at this moment. I remember sending a text to my boyfriend telling him I hope he is happy now. He (boyfriend) called me. I was in so much pain and still afraid. I cried and cried. He asked me where I was and he told me to stay there, that he is coming for me.

When he came, he took me to his home and took his warm hands and placed it on my stomach, rubbing it until I fell asleep. He stayed home from work the next day to stay with me and make sure I was okay. A week after I was supposed to go back to the doctor to make sure every thing was okay. He (boyfriend) carried me. He also promised it would not happen again.

Two months later, guess what? I was pregnant again. He still didn't want this baby. Well this time I didn't have to go to that doctor again to get my life sucked out of me. I went to his family doctor. This doctor's price was rather cheap, $120. for the injection that he gave me and $120. for 12 cycotec tablets: 11 for swallowing at different periods and one to insert, you know where.

Well that was not as painful and it was over quickly or so I thought. The same night I thought I passed out everything. I took a week home from work to make sure I was properly rested. When I went back out to work, in a matter of two weeks I started bleeding non-stop. The coldness of the air-condition caused my body to pain me a lot. It happened for days.

On Wednesday 7th September 2005 I stayed home from work to go to the doctor but I never went. I was liming with my mother outside when I started feeling dizzy. Blood just started gushing from me like a pipe when the pressure is high. She was taking me to the doctor (private) but everyone was closed for lunch. She then took me to the hospital and I cried when the doctor examined me and removed some of the remains in me.

He told if I waited a little longer I would have died. He said he had to transfer me to another hospital via ambulance but I asked if my mother could drop me instead. They agreed.

I tried to call my boyfriend to tell him what was going on but to no avail. It was about midnight when he was at work and he called me. I told him what happened and he didn't believe me. I spent a couple of days in the hospital. I became so depressed. My mother also asked me why I did that.

I asked my boyfriend to come see me because I wanted to sign the release form so I could go home. My boyfriend asked me to spend the week with him but I rathered stay at home.

Everything was back to normal with us by the time his birthday came around in November. He treated me special, taking me everywhere. Even though his family knew we were together it was the first time he formally introduced me as his girlfriend. I was in shock but was happy nevertheless.

Well it was November month end and I got an offer for a higher paying job. That was exactly what I needed.

Then in came December 2005 and I was a month pregnant. I didn't want to tell him but I did. He started saying that I am getting a great opportunity and I he doesn't think I should throw it away by having this baby. I reminded him of my last abortion but all he said was that we have to be more careful and it was my fault that it happened like that. Yeah, like I wanted to die.

I decided to have this baby and he was upset. In March 2006 he said he didn't want to see me anymore. He changed his cell number and also rejected my calls to his home phone. I was all alone. I told no one except my girlfriend. I asked God to help me through this. I left home and stayed at my grandmother's. I was due to give birth in August and I cried everyday till then and I still cry now.

A week before I was due I was doing some last minute shopping with my aunt, I saw my unborn baby daddy in the store. I tried as much to avoid him as possible. Well he gave me a lot of reasons for what happened and I was already so stressed due to my situation. He then gave me his new number so I can call him.

I finally gave birth, I was in so much of emotional pain during my pregnancy that God blessed me by not giving me physical pain before and during my delivery. I had a son, and when I asked his father if he is coming to see him, he said, and I quote: - " Let me tell you something! Firstly I don't think he is going anywhere in a hurry & 2. How I manage my time is left up to me to be responsible for work, home, laundry & events I can't foresee takes from me whether you like me saying so or not". End of quote.

Anyway our relationship was entirely over and I met someone else in February of 2007. I didn't tell him much about my past life except that I had a son and our relationship was over when I was about four months pregnant. I promised myself I didn't want to get involved in another relationship but I did nevertheless.

I felt like I needed him. He told me every lie that a man would say and a woman would like to hear. I had missed my period in April but I paid no attention because it came in May, June and July. In August I miss my period, my son was also a year this month.

On 3rd September 2007 I remember he called me saying he wants a daughter. I then proceeded to tell him that I miss my period. He told me to do a test to make sure and he then said that my son is too young to deprive him of my attention. He suggests that I abort the baby, and I agreed for fear of ending up in that same situation like I am in with my son's father who has not accepted him as his own yet. He also suggests where I should go. The only difference with him and my son's father is that he gave me $1500.00 to get it done.

I did some research and I found someone who can do it for me because I didn't was to re-live my past experience. It was Saturday 22nd September 2007 and I left early to go to the doctor. Well this doctor was so nice and gentle, he placed me under anesthetic (light) and did the vacuum procedure but he had to surgically remove the fetus since I was already five months pregnant. It wasn't painful physically but it scars your life emotionally.

I still feel the pain from my first but it not like I enjoy having abortions. It ist just that I thought I had no other choice but now I do and it is abstinence.

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