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Unheard Voices Speak Up
Tuesday, 18. September 2007
"Not even my closest friends and family know about this," she writes. The mother of three signs the essay on her four abortions with a loaded pseudonym: Afraid to tell.
Our national dialogue on abortion law reform has had very few, very loud voices. Rights advocates. The religious right. Jesus' lawyers. And the odd OBGYN. But the thousands of Trinidadian women who have terminated pregnancies (among them the three to four thousand that endure procedures so screwed they turn up at public hospitals every year to be made whole) have not had their say.
In a campaign supported by the UK Feminist Review Trust, Advocates for Safe Parenthood: Improving Reproductive Equity (ASPIRE) has created a space where women can share their stories honestly and anonymously. The prompts came from small newspaper placements and 30-second radio spots that gave snippets of real stories from real people.
A professional who overcame poverty, early motherhood and rape.
A university student who opted not to cut her studies short after a five-month fling.
A middle-aged, married woman who had four sons, two secret terminations and finally, a hysterectomy.
And a man who is still haunted by the death of his 15-year-old girlfriend several years before.
Over the last fortnight hundreds logged on to the website and some decided to tell their tales. Their backgrounds and experiences run the gamut. Full gospel, Catholic, Muslim; some with children, others without; 40-something-feminist to thinking teen. But all their stories speak to the themes of support and safety. Or the lack thereof.
"At what point does your history of terminating pregnancies become taboo?" Natasha asks. She's 33 and has had three abortions. Two were supervised by a doctor. The first was do-it-yourself. She bought some drugs and endured a harrowing five days alone in her apartment. Her boyfriend of two years eventually confessed his guilt about leaving her to endure the pain on her own.
"When we found out, it was a unanimous decision that I would terminate but
he didn't want to know much about it. I was to have it done and inform him afterwards. I've never felt so utterly alone in my entire life," she admits.
Natasha's reflections about her abortions are still wrapped up with insecurity about her relationships with two men she loved and their unwillingness to start families with her.
A third man made matters worse: "One doctor, during a routine medical examination for an insurance company asked the questions, which I answered honestly. He advised that information should be kept to myself: 'No-one needs to know that you've terminated a pregnancy,' he said.
Nordette altered her perspective on abortion after she had one. A mother and professional, she decided along with her partner not to have more children. But when the birth control pill that she had been using for years was suddenly pulled from the market, she didn't expect to become pregnant the very next month.
"I discussed it with my partner and we both agreed that we don't want anymore children," she says. "Raising a family and working takes so much from you in terms of emotion, energy and money. We wanted to do our best with what we had. We didn't want to go back to changing diapers. I was about to start a postgrad degree and was already stretched to the limit. We decided to terminate.
"I suppose it's really made me re-evaluate how I feel about other women," she continues. "The assumption that all the people having abortions... are just irresponsible is dead wrong. That isn't me!"
Nordette mentions that her experience of a supervised medical abortion was "humane". But Nadia illustrates what could go wrong. An abusive relationship and difficult pregnancy with her daughter were the factors that led this 39-year-old to terminate three times.
Two of the abortions went awry. In the first case a well-known doctor performed the procedure and she'd gone to the Family Planning Association to start a course of Depo Provera, a contraceptive injection. Five months on she realised that there was retained matter in her womb.
"The remains could have rotted inside me," she notes. Another time she took some drugs unsupervised and bled, quite literally, for months. Nadia says that while she wouldn't recommend abortion to anyone she would support its decriminalisation "so procedures could be properly monitored by experts".
For years poverty (she writes it in capitals) and dependence trapped Afraid to tell in a web of repeat abortions. She sums up each experience with loaded two-liners.
"I still continued having sex with my cousin's husband and got pregnant again," she says of her last time. "Why? Because I was getting money when I had sex and I had to live.
"Everyday I ask God to forgive me, hoping he would understand," she says. "I will not do it again as I am now settled in life, working and making ends meet".
Frances had a far different experience. In an essay she titled "My experience of safe abortion" she tells of the difference money, law and services can make. She flew to the US to have hers done.
"A nurse interviewed me at length and I was counselled before the procedure about alternative options as well as after the procedure (about contraception). I have never regretted my decision, nor have I felt guilty about doing what I did. I wish women in Trinidad and Tobago had access to safe and legal abortion services, like that offered at the clinic I attended."
That was Frances' first and final abortion. She's remained childless by choice.
To read real stories from real women about their experiences with abortion or to share your own visit www.aspire.org.tt
Taken from http://www.trinidadexpress.com/index.pl/article_features?id=161201048
Tuesday, September 11th 2007
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