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Coping Successfully After an Abortion
Tuesday, 18. September 2007
by ASPIRE
Thank you for participating in this dialogue about abortion and law reform.
By reading of other people's experiences and inquiring further into this difficult issue you have added value to the way we deal with the very serious challenges and choices that so many women face.
Those who have shared your stories have been courageous and selfless. Thank you! But while several of you report feeling "no regret" or "relief" about your decisions to terminate, others continue to be haunted by their choice. Some contributors have pointed to extreme feelings of guilt, shame and regret. To wit--
"It's an emotional roller-coaster for me at times… when it rears its head now after seven years I'm totally in a mess.
"For the first time in my life I felt guilty. Like I need to be before a judge or hell is my pathway."
"I never thought that in a million years after being abused in every form as a child growing up… that I could have inflicted so much pain upon myself. I feel like a murderer."
The stories have demonstrated that women's experiences vary both in terms of the quality of care they receive during terminations and how successfully they cope afterward. And one of the themes shared by a few stories is regret about having made a panic decision about an unplanned pregnancy.
Over the last seven years one of the services for which ASPIRE has advocated is pre- and post-decision counseling for women seeking terminations. We've submitted that all women should have the benefit of non-judgmental counseling before having the procedure so that in a safe and rational manner they can evaluate their emotions, their support systems and their stumbling blocks. In that way they can be certain that abortion is indeed the step they wish to take and thoughts like this could be avoided:
"I was 22, had a good job and was in a relationship for five years, but he was not ready to be a dad. I was so in love that I put him before my unborn son…"
Critically, post-decision counseling that focuses on contraceptive uptake, relationships and any socio-economic challenges can help reduce the incidence of repeat abortion. Quite a few of the women who shared their stories confess to having had three, four or five abortions. Had these women had the benefit of a session with a caring, trained counselor rather than a no-questions-asked doctor, who knows how many of these abortions could have been avoided?
Of course while abortion remains criminal and clandestine, it is impossible to offer women free, reliable and open services such as the ones outlined above. This is why we advocate for abortion law reform! For those who are wrangling with negative feelings we would like to share some literature written by Anne Baker on behalf of The Hope Clinic for Women.
"Coping Successfully After An Abortion" aims to help women identify what they are feeling and learn ways of successfully coping "with the ultimate goal of helping you move forward with your life". The pamphlet contains reassurance and ideas compiled from interviews with 100 women.
"Spiritual Comfort", a pamphlet that deals with questions surrounding God and forgiveness, received input from clergy from fifteen different faiths.
We will be happy to mail you a copy of one or both of these publications free of charge if you, like some of our contributors, need guidance in working through negative emotions. Please feel free to send an email to ttaspire@tstt.net.tt including a name and a valid mailing address and indicating which publications you're interested in. We assure that your request will be treated with the strictest confidence.
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